Hankies at the ready folks...

This past month has been a crazy time which has seen my dreams shatter to pieces. After spending 25 years in a small house, in a skank area, I thought I was all set to escape. Tears of joy welled in my eyes when it was announced and we worked hard to hunt down the perfect house for us and our income. I would rush home from work everyday, anxious to check my emails for the latest deliveries from estate agents. Day after day, our house never found us and as a family we began to tear apart, stressing over the size, stressing over the location and bus links to work, we were never going to find the perfect house. I thought I was the only one trying; the only one determined to move just about anywhere...

One evening, whilst browsing the net, I set about looking on the estate agents' websites again, feeling defeated, I was again welling up when the perfect home suddenly appeared before my eyes. Rushing down the stairs, I breathlessly alerted my family, who had actually already seen it for themselves. The following day saw a successful viewing and a house accepted as our home. I was more excited than I could be at christmas time, and so the countdown began, and I anticipated the slowest fortnight ever.

After excitedly telling friends and workmates about the move, who would've known that my happiness would be completely destroyed by those dear to me. Suddenly the cold feet had set in, about issues we knew of long before the move. I had been lied to, strung along and it hurt like HELL. So I have dragged my way through the past few weeks, clinging to my hopes for the future, I shall travel, be creative and just generally live for myself. Sometimes you have to be selfish and put your family and friends behind you to truly live, and boy has this past month inspired me to do just that.

Whilst exploring a village craft shop in the past fortnight, I felt my spirits rise as I held a picture with the well known quote, "Home is where the heart is", and I know all too well my heart is not here. I will take myself where my heart tells me to go, I cannot lie to and decieve myself and I promise myself that I won't. I am my own best friend.